How do you make the choice?
Where do you draw the line?
How do you decide, when life as you know it, depends on what you choose?
When do you listen to reason, logic, rationale? When do you listen to what’s in your heart and mind?
I’m scared, terrified – terrified I’ll make the wrong choice.
I lie here in bed, seemingly not able to sleep. But you and I both know that as soon as I put the phone down I’ll be minutes away from sleep.
It’s been a few weeks since it first hit me: I felt giddy and almost desperate; nothing had ever made more sense, and it terrified me as it was something I had never, ever even considered. I had flash-forwards of what could be. I said then that it was reminiscent of the flashbacks in a film I’d seen: short snippets that puzzle and intrigue you, and standalone they made little to no sense. I get them time and again weeks later–it still terrifies me.
Some things take you by surprise.
Here I am, again.
A few years have passed me by since I was last here; many things have changed in my life. Myself, while I am the same in so many ways, I, too, have undergone some changes.
As the moment is now, I’m lying awake at midnight in an uncomfortably warm bedroom. To the side of me, is the man who I’m going to spend so many more of these uncomfortably warm evenings with. He slumbers gently and it soothes my soul listening to his breathing.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to cuddle up beside him.